ongrowth.

I use to happily give away my seeds
and watch them be planted
in other people's gardens

realizing this was rarely done in return

now I'm planting my own seeds
and watching them grow

ubud, bali last october.

newbalance.

Most of all I am thankful
You are just what I prayed for
You are what I was made for
Yes, I'm for sure
Most of all
I just want to mean the most to you
Most of all, baby, I'm just tryna grow with you
I just wanna go with you
Cause you bring so much hope to the picture
Some of us do find the one
To fall in love
And off of the
Fucking face of the Earth with
Some of us do deserve it
A love that's true and perfect
Some of us been through it all before
Some of us do still come back for more

-Jhené Aiko

letsbegin.

I spent the weekend in yogaville, virginia for a women’s healing retreat — FINDING YOUR FREE — hosted by a friend I met in thailand and a group of 8 other magical women. It was a powerful restorative self-loving experience. 

I had all these ideas for what I wanted to get accomplished over the weekend, getting organized, gaining clarity on projects and new connections, but the divine had different plans in mind. I was able to surrender and cut ties from a lot of things that I knew I was suppressing and holding onto, but hadn’t realized were affecting me so deeply. 

I will always cherish this weekend and the chain of events that will soon transpire from here. One of the more immediate take aways was being introduced to SACRED WOMAN by Queen Afua. I kept wondering how I had never heard of this book or Queen Afua before now, but things like this always have a way of finding you just when you need them to. The Alchemist and Women Who Run with the Wolves were two other books shared over the weekend, both I read years ago and they helped me immensely at the time… I have that feeling again now and look forward to letting this unfold.

freudian.blessed

Everywhere that I go, everywhere that I be
If you were not surrounding me with your energy
I don't wanna be there, don't wanna be anywhere
Any place that I can't feel you, I just wanna be near you

And yes, I'm a mess but I'm blessed
To be stuck with you
Sometimes it gets unhealthy
We can't be by ourselves, we
We'll always need each other, and
Yes, I'm a mess but I'm blessed
To be stuck with you
I just want you to know that
If I could, I swear I'd go back
Make everything all better

—daniel caesar

sweetsexysavage.intro

My condolences to anyone who has ever lost me
And, to anyone who got lost in me
Or, to anyone who ever felt they took a loss with me
My apologies for the misunderstanding or the lack thereof
I'm sorry you missed the God in me
And I'm sorry you missed the light
I'm sorry you forgot the way I arose like the moon
Night after night with the burden to forgive
Eager to feed you everything
See, I'm a holy woman
I know what it's like to give life to a being without ever needing to press skin against one another
I've practiced how to hold my tongue long enough
I'm afraid I forgot to say goodbye
I'm afraid you're under the impression
That I was made to please you
I was under the impression you understood me better
The truth is, I'm a superwoman
And some days I'm an angry woman
And some days I'm a crazy woman
For still waiting, for still loving harder even if I'm aching
For still trusting that I'm still worth the most
For still searching for someone to understand me better
— Reyna Biddy

beasyouwishtoseem.

Well looky here. A couple of pictures brought me out of my blogging coma. I've been pretty "offline" lately, not spending much time on blogs or my personal instagram. Its just getting so saturated and redundant, my brain needs a break from the constant staged visual of everyones lives and everything in general. It's all beginning to look the same to me, I'm not getting a jolt of inspiration or awakening from anything online these days.

I'm trying to spend more time just living, enjoying my life and the things I worked so hard for. 2015 has been such a breezy relaxing year. I'm really excited about my current position and upcoming projects… 2016 is going to be magical (glitter emoji).

milkshakes.

Daydream delusion
Limousine Eyelash
Oh, baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet cakes and milkshakes
I am a delusion angel
I am a fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
Don’t want you to guess anymore
You have no idea where I came from
We have no idea where we’re going
Lodged in life Like two branches in a river
Flowing downstream
Caught in the current I’ll carry you.
You’ll carry me
That’s how it could be
Don’t you know me?
Don’t you know me by now?

before sunrise.

palomawool.

I HAD to repost this from Miss Moss. I am falling to pieces over Paloma Wool's most recent collection (of course its No. 4). so good. ordering one of everything immediately. this collection is what my dreams are made of. i just want to live inside it. everything matisse and picasso.

nosubstance.

God, I agree so much. A week after debuting his fall-winter 2015 collection inspired by Diana Vreeland, Vogue UK featured an interview with American designer Marc Jacobs by Suzy Menkes. In the interview, he talks about young designers, the new collection and social media.

“You know, I am an older person now, I’m going to be 52 in a couple of months,” Jacobs says. “But I look at young fashion and it seems like it’s all the same – the idea of what is edgy or cool. It’s style with no substance; it doesn’t really seem born of anything. I don’t see the rebellion or edge in it. It just looks like a cliche: salad oil in the hair, Frankenstein shoes and the trappings of punk and all these other thing.”

He also goes on to take an anti social media stance. “I am so appalled by the whole social media thing,” he says. “I don’t get it, it doesn’t appeal to me, neither does a computer, or working on a laptop. I don’t want to read a book on a device. I like a book with a hard cover, and text on a piece of paper.”

Reposted from FGR

greengoldlosfeliz.

  I'm in LOVE with Hotel Covell, a new 5-suite boutique hotel in Los Feliz! I'm gonna try to go for drinks next week and steal inspiration for decorating our new place.

I discovered it on Sight Unseen, and am equally/obviously also obsessed with the interior designer, Sally Breer. my god. so so good.

andnothingelse.

During my time in Italy I read, An Italian Affair by Laura Fraser. It was the perfect romantic tale to visualize and set the mood while exploring and hilariously, the main character also chose to read books set in the places she traveled to.

Here are a few of my favorite passages:

And it pleased Him that this love of mine, whose warmth exceeded all others, and which had stood firm and unyielding against all the pressures of good intention, helpful advice, and the risk of danger and open scandal, should in the course of time diminish of its own accord. So that now, all that is left of it in my mind is the delectable feeling which Love habitually reserves for those who refrain from venturing too far upon its deepest waters. And thus what was once a source of pain has now become, having shed all discomfort, an abiding sensation of pleasure.

—GIOVANNI BOCCACCIO, THE DECAMERON

You board your boat, the boat to Ischia, and climb to the top deck, where the air is fresh and cool, the sun sinking behind the silhouetted island in the distance. Traveling by boat is romantic, pulling you away from shore, leaving a vast emptiness of water between your old life and an entirely new place.

The problem with Americans, he says, is they think a little affair will destroy a marriage. How can they be so claustrophobic? It puts far too much pressure on the marriage. That’s what will ruin a marriage.

“After thirty-six years you decide to take up smoking now?” he asks. You smile and tell him it’s all his fault. “When I get back,” you say, “I’m going to have to find a lover like you.” “Inutile,” he says, and laughs. Your only hope is to teach someone, he says. Then he becomes more serious, avuncular. “You’ll find someone,” he says. “All you need is a man who is older than you and younger than me. A professor of literature who speaks Italian. There must be some of them in San Francisco.” “They’re everywhere,” you say, “like German tourists.”

He says that he himself is not complicated at all. “I’m a simple person,” he says. “I like art, I like women, I like the sea, good food, cigars.” He unwraps the cellophane on a cigar and lights it. “I like pleasure,” he says. He smokes quietly for a moment. “Sometimes,” he says, “my wife thinks I’m too simple.”

You tell the professor you’ve never met an intellectual like him who is so uncomplicated, who seems to have no hidden dark corners in his psyche, though you suspect there are a few he isn’t talking about. He’s so comfortable with himself, seemingly so content with his life. Unlike many of the talented, intelligent men you’ve run into, he isn’t arrogant on the surface with deep insecurities lurking just beneath. He doesn’t seem like he’d ever be threatened by strong, smart women, just amused. He’s easily delighted, and relaxing to be around. You’re glad at least to have a glimpse of that type of man.

“The Decameron tales describe the endless varieties of love—adulterous passion, courtly love, enduring marriages, homosexual love, forbidden love, infatuation. The moral—if you can call it that, and why not—is that finding pleasure is more important than any of the constraints society might put on people’s inclinations to “forgather” together. As one storyteller comments after a tale of adultery, “And by proceeding with the greatest of discretion, they enjoyed their love together on many a later occasion. May God grant that you enjoy yours likewise.” This, you think, is what Italians read in school instead of The Scarlet Letter. No wonder they’re better at flirting.”

It’s a shame. American men must be superficial. They want youth and beauty right up front in their faces. That isn’t interesting. European men like to discover what’s beautiful about a woman. Every woman is a mystery, and you have to find what makes her most beautiful and gives her the most pleasure.

“Richard Meier,” he says. “Everyone should know that name. Forget about the paintings here, they are mostly second-rate paintings by first-rate artists, or first-rate paintings by second-rate artists. But the architecture is amazing, the building is an extraordinary work of art. This building will last for centuries.”

“You know,” he says, “in order for me to truly relax, I have to be outside my country, and even outside of my language. I can’t relax in French.” “Why?” you ask. He shrugs, and tries to explain. “If I speak French, I might as well be in France. There is an inherent nervousness. I have to get outside of it all.”

“You know, my dear,” he says, stroking your hair. “It isn’t a bad thing to always know that someone on the other side of the world cares about you, that someone is always thinking about you with pleasure.”

“When you go to a place and have an extraordinary experience,” he says, “you can never return.” “That’s true.” “I could never return to Ischia,” he says. “No,” you agree. “Never.”

The professor begins to list his defects. He is a little vain, he says. He doesn’t do well at dinner parties, doesn’t like to make chatty conversation. He dresses too hippie for his wife’s taste. He doesn’t know how to fix anything around the house. He isn’t all that ambitious; if he were really rich, all he would do is travel the world and stay at great hotels.

xx

Europe 07 / Assisi Roma & the Vatican City

Assisi was amazing. I wish I could've spent at least a night there vs just a few hours, but it was one of my favorite little stops. The entire city was cobble stone and felt like a giant olive garden haha. I took tons of touristy pictures and literally COULD not get over the unbelievable view. It looked exactly like every painting of italy I've ever seen.     Just before getting to Assisi, we stopped at a small vineyard and got drunk on strawberry wine and chocolate haha. I bought my mom this delicious truffle honey and in hindsight, should have bought a bottle to bring home as well.     On the way to Roma I wrote in my journal that it was so refreshing to get back to the things I love. Observing, reading, writing, seeing new places, listening to music and truly hearing and feeling it. These all seem like normal everyday things, but it's amazing how life gets in the way and you really cherish having time to just listen to an entire playlist while looking out the window. no responsibilities, no worries. just in the moment.     I'd forgotten how much I loved Rome. I'm SO glad I made myself keep a journal the entire time. I was super OCD about detailing every thing I did each night or morning so I could relive the trip whenever I like. I ate so much pizza and gelato in italy its ridiculous. and by pizza I mean the entire thing, almost every day. gelato like 3x a day hahaha, no shame.

Whenever people ask about my favorite cities, I always say I loved Rome, but it wasn't what I was expecting. It actually looked the way I imagined Spain ha. and I hated how touristy it was in areas (but this was true in most places) and how many cheesy tourist shops there were, selling the same junk (that was likely made in china) taking up spaces in the beautiful ancient buildings.     I wrote "Rome is so exotic. There are parts that look exactly like a city within a jungle. Deteriorating buildings in the most beautiful colors amidst tons of trees and foliage. The burnt orange, pale pinks and blues, against shades of green, black and cream are my favorite."   OMG the Vatican. I'm not going to say much about it, because I'm not sure how to even describe how much I enjoyed it. The museum, the history, the Sistine Chapel. St. Peter's Basilica. ugh. I need to go back, but again it's something that I feel like I'll either never return to or wait until I have children to take and share it with, because there are so many other places in Italy and even Rome I'm still dying to visit.     The ceilings and the statues, were hands down my favorite. They had so much emotion, so much pain. and the insane level of perfection and detail. gahhh.. this is the reason I haven't been properly artgasming hahaha. I need to get back to Europe and have my socks blown off.     Next stop under the tuscan sun.

XX

deltaofvenus.

Happy Valentine's Day lovers.

goyk.

I've been really, really into my tumblr these days. I can feel myself getting back into hyper-artistic mode and hope my new schedule in LA will allow me to dedicate some solid time to making physical works again.

my hands need something to do and my eyes need a break from all these screens.

stimulatemymind.

I'm having a moment. and obsessing over these three at the same time. oh and also marissa webb. joan mitchell / willem de kooning / cy twombly     The scale of these blows my mind. I think they're all a pretty accurate visual of how I've been feeling. extremely excited/nervous/scared/unsure/jazzed/ about moving & wrapping up so many projects and starting 100 more. they all have so much energy. like... i-just-have-to-get-these-colors-and-movements-the-fuck-out-of-me-as-fast-as-i-can. #repeat. maybe ill go paint (read: finish) a picture.

milangoals.

  Have you seen La Double J yet!?

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unnamed-3

I just discovered it via Preston Davis' blog, Keep it Chic. In short, it is a vintage shopping site that sells one-of-a-kind vintage jewelry and clothing all showcased on J.J. Martin’s uber chic Milan-based friends. BUT!! It's so much more than just a shopping site. There are 2 sections I'm especially obsessed with; the Legendary Ladies of Milan, and Tour the Homes. So good. Their quirky Street Styled section is pretty bomb as well. Such a fun shopping experience.   "Here, in the School of Sciura, we honor these remarkable women. We study them, we worship them, we learn about them and from them. We try in our small way to emulate them so that hopefully, piano piano, one day, we will grow up to be exactly like them."

hell.

a pretty incredibly accurate description of myself.. and capricorns in general by susan miller.

Capricorn is the sign of the fair and wise leader, and ruled by Saturn, this sign makes careful decisions that are never done in haste. If you are a Capricorn you may have had to grow up fast when you were little, perhaps because you were the eldest, in charge of helping your mother take care of your younger sisters and brothers. Or maybe events in the family were such that you had to become very realistic and practical quickly. No matter—remarkably, Capricorns tend to live their lives backwards, becoming younger, freer and more spirited with each passing birthday.

Capricorn rules all things that are valuable from the past, such as antiques, landmark buildings and other real estate, estate jewelry, old stamps, Krugerrands and other old coins, valuable autographs—you get the idea. Capricorn covers anything historical, and most Capricorns are history buffs. Also, Capricorn is associated with very big money, whether that require managing family money, overseeing the funds of a behemoth multi-national company, trading client’s stocks and bonds, or being a lawyer related to estate management. Capricorn is not highly emotional, but keeps feelings well-balanced, one reason they do so well in managing money.

Capricorn is reliable, trustworthy, careful, dependable, very practical and realistic (all big reasons for their success), and they are also kind and status-conscious. The last attribute—status-conscious—may have surprised you, but it has to do with the sign’s ambitious need to reach the top of the mountain.

Capricorn women tend to either be very successful in their own right, or marry highly successful, well-known men. Indeed, the woman Capricorn almost always marries well. Family tradition is extremely important to Capricorn, as much as it is to Cancer, and most Capricorn women, no matter how busy they are (and Capricorn women are that for sure), she will always find time to attend her children’s recitals, plays and parent teacher conferences. Most Capricorns enjoy delving into their own ancestral history, or that of their mate. Capricorns are usually concerned with their legacy and reputations, and will fiercely defend their own honor.

Being compared to Kate Middleton, Michelle Obama, and Kate Moss doesn't hurt either. Read the full post here.

Europe 06 / Verona Venice & Lido di Jesolo

  Verona wasn't very exciting to me. I only passed through long enough to have some gelato and visit the famous site of Romeo & Juliet. I would love love love to rent a car one day and just drive and drive through Italy at a slow pace. Stopping in small villages, staying longer in some places.

but then we got to venice.     i remember having an immediate sense of deja vu which was crazy but exciting as well. In my journal I wrote: When we arrived in Venice [in a water taxi] I thought I was in a movie, everything was so bright and crystal clear. blindingly white marble. STUNNING architecture." It was the most beautiful day and I really couldn't have asked for anything better.     I bought my family each a tiny red glass heart that hopefully they'll keep forever, so no matter where we all end up we each have one.

We went on a quick tour with a beautiful local named Marina. She told us she was 100% Venetian, and that that was different than being Italian. It really got me thinking about HOW different the world is. She seemed so normal, but I'm sure if we sat and had a conversation, her lifestyle and upbringing is so incredibly different from what I can probably imagine.     We stayed in a small town outside of Venice called, Lido di Jesolo, and although our place wasn't glamorous— the beach view was incredible. Honestly, more beautiful than the south of france.. in a different way.. the night we went out to walk along the water a storm was coming so the clouds were moving fast and the sun was streaming through in that heavenly way. It made me finally understand the tacky colors used in sunset paintings, although it wasn't tacky, it was beautiful. There were little crabs the in the water and you could hear a pretty twinkle sound when the waves crashed over the tiny seashells.     Rome in the morning. Until my next installment.

thebest.

1

  The Best of Flair was one of my favorite birthday gifts this year.

It's been on my wishlist since my time at FLAUNT, when their creative director and co-founder, Jim Turner, showed it to me and explained that FLAIR was what inspired them to start FLAUNT (and that they actually tried to get the name FLAIR) and that there are a lot of qualities about FLAIR that they used as the foundation for FLAUNT, such as always having a double cover, one featuring art and one photography, the use of multiple non-standard types of paper, creative die-cut covers and interior pages, and unique fold-out advertisements and mini-booklets printed within another story.

This was also, believe it or not, one of the first luxury coffee table books I'd seen in person, or paid attention to for that matter. I rememeber the striking red slip-case that held the giant book filled with whimsical images and a look that was far ahead of its time.

So seeing how influential FLAUNT was on my entire editorial style and obsession with independent magazines and the actual ART of creating a magazine — you can only imagine how pressed I've been to own a piece of the magazine that inspired them.

2

The book was always extremely expensive, even on amazon, but a second edition was recently released so I let the beau know it was at the top of my list :) I knew nothing about the editor or how it came to be so it was such a treat to read her introduction and find what kindred spirits we were:   "The birth of FLAIR was one of the happiest events of my life. Jewels, race-horses or yachts were not things I wanted. I jumped at the invitation to create a completely personal new magazine — one that would reveal my full inventiveness, my love of art and literature." — Fleur Cowles

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Sixty years after it ceased publication, FLAIR is still one of the most talked-about and influential magazines ever created. / It is remembered for its innovative design and production quality, it's superb coverage of the arts and its intuitive discovery of many artists and writers well before they achieved fame and fortune.   The Best of Flair.

setlife.

  I went to new york the second week in january to art direct half of a photoshoot for Off Broadway Shoes with one of the agencies I work for, MODE. It was a really great experience, but I was especially glad that I had already been to new york and had my chance to explore the city because we were literally in a giant (though beautiful) warehouse in the bronx all day long.

I always love interacting with all of the team members it takes to really pull a shoot together. the prop and wardrobe stylists, HAMU artists, producer, photographer, all the helpful guys, and of course the models.     I was able to squeeze in a few great dinners with friends and the team, a quick trip to the met and mini shopping spree in soho.     Until the next time…